Femdom & BDSM terms: a plain-English glossary

The world of domination has its own vocabulary, and it can be bewildering at first. This plain-English glossary explains the terms you’ll most often encounter on profiles and in conversation — respectfully and without assuming any prior knowledge.

The basics

• D/s — Dominance and submission: a consensual dynamic where one person leads and the other yields.
• Dominant / Domme / Mistress — the person in the leading, controlling role.
• Submissive / sub — the person who consensually yields control.
• Switch — someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles.
• Vanilla — conventional, non-kink interactions or people.

Consent and safety terms

• Limits — your boundaries. Hard limits are absolute no-gos; soft limits are maybes to approach with care.
• Safeword — an agreed word that immediately pauses or stops a scene.
• SSC / RACK — “Safe, Sane and Consensual” and “Risk-Aware Consensual Kink”: two frameworks for responsible play.
• Aftercare — the wind-down and reassurance after an intense scene.

Session and money terms

• Session — a booked period of play, in person or online.
• Tribute — payment for a Mistress’s time and expertise (see our guide on tribute and rates).
• Findom — financial domination, where giving money is itself the dynamic (explained here).
• Screening — the checks a Mistress makes before agreeing to a booking.

Experience and headspace

• Sub-space — a focused, often euphoric headspace a submissive can enter during a scene.
• Domme-space / top-space — the equivalent flow state for the dominant.
• Scene — a single negotiated episode of play within a session.
• Protocol — agreed rules of address and behaviour, from light to formal.

New to all of this? Start with our beginner’s guide to professional Mistresses, then explore the different types of domination and specialisms.